If Social Media had Existed in the Seventeenth Century

With Twitter and Facebook currently in meltdown, and probably likely to remain that way for a few years, I thought it was time for a little frivolity…normal service will be resumed next week! What follows will probably only make sense (sic) if you’re a hardcore seventeenth century geek, so others may wish to look away now.

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REAL OLIVER CROMWELL @godsenglishman

Friends 0     Followers 28k     Men with guns 28k    Sycophants  93k

You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately… Depart, I say; and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!   #rumpageddon #LOL

 

RUMP PARLIAMENT @smallcorruptclique

Friends 0    Followers 122   Members of Parliament 122

#outrage #occupy #protest #resist #ohalrightwellgoquietly

 

REAL OLIVER CROMWELL

This is a righteous judgement of God upon these barbarous wretches. #englandvireland #wearethechampions

 

MAN IN ALEHOUSE @voiceofthepeopleinnit

Bring back the other guy. The other guy was good IMHO. The other guy was better than this guy. #borednow #timeforachange #impeachcromwellnow

 

LEVELLERS @momentum

Friends 749   Friends paying special one farthing supporter membership 914k

I think that the poorest he that is in England has a life to live as the greatest he. #aslongastheyrenotdiggers #wehatediggers #androyalists #andcromwell

 

LEVELLER WIVES @monstrousregiment

@momentum Now then, about this ‘greatest “he”‘ business…

 

REAL OLIVER CROMWELL

I had rather have a plain, russet-coated Captain, that knows what he fights for, and loves what he knows. #mensfashion #youdonottalkaboutfightclub #youdonottalkaboutrussetcoatedclub

 

BAPTISTS @whatdoyoumeanadultbaptismisweird

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads   1/718

 

RANTERS @notapropagandamyth

#partyanimals

 

FIFTH MONARCHY MEN @yeswedoknowwhotheotherfourwere

The end of the world is nigh, and will be heralded by the Last Trump. #justsaying

 

QUAKERS

 

 

 

 

MATTHEW HOPKINS @witchfindergeneral

#banwoodcutsofcats #awomansplaceisatthestake

 

JOHN THURLOE @spymastergeneral

We here at the Department for Protectorate Security take your privacy very seriously. This is why we advise you not to bother sealing your letters, so we can more easily check just how seriously private they are. #stopthebadfolks

 

ISAAC NEWTON @shouldersofgiants

I OWN YOU WREN YOU BADASS MOTHER

 

RICHARD CROMWELL @tumbledowndick

@godsenglishman What d’you mean, ‘hereditary’?

 

KING CHARLES II  @bythegraceofgodkingofenglandscotlandirelandandfrancedefenderofthefaith

Friends 0   Followers 27k   Mistresses 39  Penniless Irish exiles 9.4k   Sycophants 93k

#returnoftheking #letthegoodtimesroll #restorationmeansrestoration

 

MAN IN ALEHOUSE @voiceofthepeopleinnit

Bring back the other guy. The other guy was good IMHO. The other guy was better than this guy. #borednow #timeforachange #impeachcharlesnow #orclarendon

 

 

 

 

 

7 Comments

  1. thankful1665 says:

    THOMAS FAIRFAX @darksideofthepennines

    Could have been a contender. If the wife would let me.
    #blackisthenewrusset

    Like

  2. Tricia Lynne says:

    Best post ever!!!!

    Like

  3. 😂 Fabulous (and very welcome)!

    Like

  4. jsmjf2 says:

    Actual LOL.

    Like

  1. […] wants some quality nerd humor with a dash of historical perspective, check out J.D. Davies’ post on what Twitter might have looked like in seventeenth-century Britain. My favorite is the Quakers […]

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